The MILF Myth

Apparently, I am considered a MILF. I find this both amusing and disturbing.

According to my friend’s (now grown up) son, I was considered a MILF by his friends, way back when they were teenagers. As I am like an aunty to him, he found this both amusing and disturbing.

The main reason I find this so funny is that there is a general feeling that an older woman is full of experience and therefore she will want to teach her toy boy everything she knows. Sorry, but it’s a no from me.

Firstly, I am a woman with a family, a job, a dog, a business, and a house I clean myself. I’m trying to get enough exercise, eat well, write, keep up with my social media, find a comfortable bra, have at least 4 hours uninterrupted sleep a night and finally discover what the bottom of the laundry basket looks like when it’s empty since I haven’t seen it since 2004. I do not have the time, energy or inclination to teach you anything. I need someone that is so good, that rocks my world so much, they can actually keep me awake.

Ladies I know you get what I’m saying here. Isn’t having to teach him what to do just another thing you will need to add to your already long ‘to do’ list? I have no problem in showing you how to make me happy, but I don’t want someone with a leaners permit. I’m not running an apprenticeship program.

Here is the second thing that makes this so mystifying for me. I’ve been married for nearly 22 years. Yes, I had quite a lot of fun before we got together but that was a long time ago. So, this vast experience I should have probably isn’t as extensive as the MILF fans believe. In real life, I haven’t handled a penis other than my partners, or even been up close and personal with one, since the stripper at my hen night waved his very substantial family jewels in my face while dancing to Billy Idol’s ‘Rebel Yell”.

Given how things progress so quickly in the modern world and the amount of free porn out there I can’t help but wonder, have things changed? Did I miss out on the updates because I am unsubscribed from the list?

I recently discussed this over several glasses of wine with married friends and we decided we should do our own research because it’s important to stay informed. So, a few months ago we held our own ‘Porn & Prawn” night, invited our single friends of all ages and began our research. The wine flowed, we searched the internet, we watched movies and we shared stories. After several bottles we signed onto a live website, where the very pleasant young lady was surprised but more than happy to answer our questions. It was a very educational evening.

If you, like me, have been wondering about a possible drop in your level of expertise after years of playing tennis with the same partner, I am happy to say don’t worry. It doesn’t matter whose racket you choose, which court you play on or how many players in the game, the fact is the more things change, the more they stay the same. Oh, and in case you are wondering what we learned from our live website tutorial about what men really want from this fantasy idea of a MILF, our new friend summed it up in just one word. Naked.

Until next time remember “Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can”.

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©Clare Griggs 2019